Mommy Monday: “Getting Ready for our New Normal”

The following is written by Bixie, who is having difficulty reconciling the fact that Gus will soon be at day care. Bummer:

Tomorrow is the big day: I will be leaving Gus for his first full day of day care and I have some pretty strong feelings about it. We decided it would be best to send him a few days a week while I was still on maternity leave to get “us” used to the process. Because “we” spend so much time together, we imagined how hard it would be for “us” to just start a full week when I go back to work.

Before I dropped him off on Friday for his two-hour dry run/orientation – I was jokingly telling people I was bringing him to meet his new mom. Deep within that joke, of course, is the guilt I feel that someone will be spending MORE time with the Gus man than I will on a regular basis. His new mom also seems really adorable, sweet & fun – which is obviously a good thing when you’re thinking about it sanely. But, when you are in my frame of mind –jealousy rears its head when I think about all the fun they will be having together as I get back into the swing of things at work.

When I dropped him off on Friday for his 2-hour dry run – I put on a smile, but I was clearly on the verge of tears. His new mom immediately took out the camera and said “I want his first picture at school to be with his mom” and snapped this photo:

After way too long of a goodbye, I left him in her capable hands and sat in my car and cried for 10 minutes. I realize this is stupid – not only because I’ve left him for that amount of time before – but also because I was eating into my two hours of freedom. You’d think I’d be booking it out the door to have some me time, but the idea that this was going to be the normal thing really got me.

A lot of moms have told me to immediately dismiss the guilt because everyone feels it and there isn’t anything you can do. But that’s WAY easier said than done. While tomorrow will mark a milestone for “us” – it’s quite clear that I will be the one who will be having a hard time with it all. He will eat, he will nap, he will play, he will smile. I have filled up my days with a series of appointments (manicure/pedicure, eyebrow wax, dress fitting for Peg’s wedding) to keep my mind off that fact that our new routine is just around the corner and this amazing quality time that we’ve been spending together for the past few months is coming to an end. I will get by, of course, but boy will I be sad.

In fact, I’m crying now – and the Gus man is glancing over wondering why. So I think I’ll go take advantage of my last day of our normal with him – and start getting “us” ready for our new routine.